Esoteric Liberica

Ok, so I don’t know how much I can write in five minutes but I seriously need to hibernate after this. I have been up all day and night working on our new catalog which needs to be sent to the printers first thing Monday morning and starting the week after, I am booked solid to give talks and presentations on our company’s products.

Well, at least the catalog is done. Now I am working on my slides and looking at the amount of material I have, it looks like my slides will hit at least sixty by modest estimation. Not exactly a cakewalk. My head is throbbing from lack of sleep and the only things fueling me are coffee, metal music, vegemite, ribena and my sweetie.

My five minutes are up. Back to the grind.

Too many things to do… Too few hours in each day to do it. If only there was 36 hours per day instead of 24!

Just 36 more hours to go and it’ll all be over. We’ve reached a stalemate in negotiations on shutting down or continuing. Either way, I am out of the next equation. And frankly I don’t give a rat’s ass. For now, my focus is on the welfare of my guys. If I can negotiate for their continual employment after the change of ownership I will be glad.

Thank you sweetie for giving me support at a time when I needed it most. You are truly heaven sent. I thank God every breathing moment of my life for you.

My insomnia is back. Hopefully it’ll only last till I leave the country. It is seriously taking its toll on my mental state. I can’t think straight, I am more disorganized than ever before and at times I don’t even know whether I am coming or going. So I am a chronic worrier. I can’t help it. I am too attached to the things I do. I try to give 110% in everything I lay my hands on. But it is a stupid thing to do when the situation has never been in my favor from the start.

She is right. I am at my best when I work alone. I cannot work for or with other people in a partnership. I need space to operate. And plenty of it to do a good job. Perhaps that’s the reason why my former employer whom I had worked with for the past 12 years could identify, gave me my role and I ended up being the best operater in the company for a decade.

I just need to hold out for another 48 hours.

Today marks the day I relinquish my duties as head squeeze at the bistro. Too much crap going on behind my back. Too much cloak and dagger for me to handle. And seriously I am tired of fighting uphill battles every day. It is sad to see it all fizzle away. The months spent building it up from ground zero. But you people know me. I never say die. I will be back. This time on my own terms and solely under my own control.

My purpose here is done. I was brought here, found what I was looking for and I found her.

As each day passes, the decisions that I need to make become more apparent. some things and some people just cannot be changed as I learned the hard way. So it is either I go with the flow or I choose my own path to follow. Those who know me will know which way I will walk.

Well it has been a long day for me today but I am finally getting my act together. All in a good day’s work.

The day was rough and I am really not that young anymore. I am starting to feel the strain in my heart and I need to take things slow and easy. I think I nearly blew an artery whilst lifting crates of glass panels this afternoon. Ok, so I am exaggerating but you get the drift. A few  years ago, this would have been all in a days’ work and I probably wouldn’t even  bust a sweat. Today, my knees felt like jello and I was heaving and panting like I had toiled the entire day. 

An early night for me for sure. Another long one tomorrow…

I am caught in a dilemma right now. I guess I need a couple of days by myself to reflect on this but I know more or less what I need to do.

As some of you may know by now, I have an on-going problem with my business partners. Call it a cultural conflict, operational disagreement or whatever else but it is clear that I am not having a good time with them at this point in time. And I am popping too much Prozac, Lexotan, Zactin and Sodium Valporate for my own good.

So here’s the deal, do I fork out a fairly large sum to buy over and take control fully as a majority shareholder or do I continue to go as we are and see the entire cafe crumble before my eyes?

I have some good ideas for the cafe as well as from my sweetheart who gave me good sound advice last night. I feel that it is worth taking the gamble but it will be a fairly large one and I do not want to end up worse off than I am now. I need the money that I have now set aside for my medical condition but if I were to delve into my own funds, I am taking a rather huge risk. Alternatively, I can look for other sources of investment which may mean that I will not be in real control of the bistro.

Hopefully this weekend spent contemplating will shed some light on this.

I am not in good spirits today. I should be but I am not. I have everything I care for and the people who love me. Especially you sweetheart. Yet there is a feeling of despondency and anger in me. I am tired of what has been transpiring for the last three months.

The firefighting in the business every time a shareholder interferes with operations. The constant problems some of my psychotic staff gives me (all solved by the way). The crazy customers I have to deal with. Horrible suppliers who can’t seem to be bothered with delivering the correct items. The daily battles I have with “over-enthusiastic” partners who seem to think that by giving bulk discounts will solve all our problems.

We will be having a big meeting this afternoon to trash things out. I aim to get a positive response from everyone to keep this bistro going and this time, we play by my rules. Otherwise I see it as a pointless endeavor with no end in sight.

I will survive and I need to survive. By God’s grace everything will be ok.

The problems I get never cease to amaze me.

Two days ago, one of my guys accused our customer of being a racist pig. Gee, and to think that the irony of it all was the national Day speech that stressed upon the citizens to be more racially tolerant and to be a more cohesive society. Anyway, the guy already had a screw loose to begin with and it chose to come off at the wrong time. Yesterday, another guy landed up at the police station for beating up some guy who lives with him.

Am I running an insane asylum here? How many more inmates do I need? Groan….